Happy...? to be Home for the Holidays

Hello Readers!

Hope you have had a wonderful Christmas and are enjoying yourselves thoroughly! Today's post will be about the complications that happen once you move away from home and then come back for the holidays. I have read in many different articles about the difficulties people face when they return back to their families in the holidays. I've seen multiple posts on Pinterest that show how to cope better with family members, especially when you have  a mental health issue. For me, coming home has become harder and harder. I was surprised by this, but I think that there are a few things that I have identified that are helping me cope.

1.) If you have a set routine or way of doing things, try to stick to it as much as possible.

If you woke up at a particular time, showered, got dressed etc., try to maintain that routine during the holidays. I know that it may be hard to do especially if surrounded by family members and having to go to many parties or to people's houses. I say do those things too. Just try to maintain your old routine whenever you are able to...This one is especially important if you are struggling with an eating disorder. After many years of living with one, my family has become more aware of what I am comfortable with. This brings me to my second point...

2.) Be open, honest and communicate if you are struggling.

The holidays come with a huge food component. It can't be avoided and it is one of the times eating really becomes difficult to someone struggling with an eating disorder. Christmas is usually a time most people treat themselves with decadent dinners and desserts. My family also knows that a way that they can not only support me but also make sure that I am happy, is to not force me to eat anything I am not ready to do. They know that having cake as a treat is more like a nightmare for me. So, they don't make me eat anything  that I don't want.

3.) Participate as much as you can. 

Even if you aren't eating what everyone else is eating, don't eat by yourself, alone in the kitchen. Try to eat your meals with your family if you are comfortable. I found that this was something I really enjoyed this year. I miss the usual dinner talk and discussions that I used to have. Food has a way of bringing people together and making them open up. I am very comfortable around my family, so while they eat their thing, I do mine, and I don't feel left out at all!

4.) Eat as similarly to others as you can.

This one I have mentioned in one of my other posts. For example, on Christmas day, my parents had scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, and tea. I also had a breakfast that included eggs as well. My mum also made a roasted ham and baked chicken. I managed to get some deli meat (smoked turkey breast)in for my lunch, as well as chicken with veggies and a dinner roll for dinner.

5.) Practice makes perfect. 

This one is an absolute truth. I used to be so uncomfortable when people came over to our place. Eating in front of others was an absolute nightmare and it was a long time before I was able to do that after coming out of the hospital last year. My family invited my uncle and his family over for dinner, as well as our neighbours who are our very good friends. My uncle knows about my struggles, and as for my neighbours, they don't know specifics, but they do know that I struggle with eating and socializing. They never say anything or suggest that I eat certain things, but this is only because they have gotten used to me doing my own dinners and cooking etc. when they come over. Yes, it was a bit awkward the first few times, but now they are more aware.

6.) Tell the truth

One of the best reasons I give when people ask me why I don't eat, is that I have food intolerances. If you really think about it, it's true. A food intolerance is something that makes you uncomfortable and causes you distress after consuming it. Technically, I do get distressed- if not physically, then mentally- after consuming foods that I am not ready for. Honesty is so important. Making elaborate excuses or stories for why you can't have a slice of cake just won't do. Stick to the truth as much as possible. It's easier to be honest and get judged for telling the truth, rather than have others thinking you are a fabricator of elaborate unrealistic excuses.

7.) Take some time outs. 

Being around family 24/7 is tough. After staying alone for a few months, coming back to a house full of people can be both daunting and exhausting. I made sure to not push myself too much. There were times where I just spent some quiet time in my room reading, or writing. Another good distraction was going out to run errands on my own or doing groceries for my mom. That way I got some space away from my family, while also doing something productive.

8.) Spend time with the people that matter. 

For me, I am lucky enough to have 2 amazing sisters that I absolutely love hanging out with. My littlest sister, Carissa and I, have something called "Sister Day." It's a day where we hang out together- just the two of us and usually includes a trip to the mall and spending the day together. This quality time is amazing for our relationship and since she is still so young, its the little things that make her day. For example, going to Bulk Barn and picking out some gummy worms or buying her some of the caramel sweets she loves. I find that I miss my sisters the most when I am away, so I make sure that I am talking and hanging out with them as much as I possibly can when I'm home.

The reason why I think that coming home is so hard is also because I am a very routined person. Once I get into the habit of doing something and have a certain structure to my day, it is a struggle when anything deviates from the schedule. I think that it's part of my OCPD that compels me to have a sense of control. Realizing that this is what it is has also helped. I've also been able to tell my parents that coming home to the same environment I was most symptomatic in was extremely triggering for me. Being away from here and the dynamics of my family has helped a lot in my recovery process. This brings me to my last points...

9.) Know your limits. 

This is tough to do. Sometimes it can be hard to determine if you are capable of doing something when there is so much anxiety and fear getting in the way of things. That's okay though. Do what you can, and don't be ashamed if you aren't able to accomplish something you originally wanted to. For me, it was baking my shortbread cookies. I usually do a lot of baking during the holidays. I have found though as I spend more time on the recovered side of things, I have begun to absolutely abhor cooking and anything that makes my hands dirty (again, OCPD I think...)Halfway through mixing the batter and rolling out the dough, I ended up just leaving everything on the counter and walking away. My parents didn't know why, I just told them I was tired. I did however, tell them how to roll out the dough and how long to bake it etc. and they continued where I left off.

10.) Bow out gracefully.

When I say this, I reiterate my last point. Don't push yourself to an extent where you're stressed, tense, irritable, and unhappy. In my case, I know that I am not able to spend the entire two weeks back at home. So, for me, after seeing my doctor tomorrow, I will leave once again for Guelph. I think that its better to be in a relaxed state when with family. No one wants to be around a grouchy person. So even if you have to cut time away from them, I think that will make them value the time you actually do share with them even more.

I hope that these tips have helped a bit dear reader! My goal is to tell you that you are not alone. Other people feel the same way, or share some of the same struggles as you do. As always, take care, stay strong and let me know your thoughts as well as what you struggle with in the comments below!

My First Semester in Guelph!

Hello Readers,

I know it has been a really long time since I last wrote. It's because once school started, everything just got so busy! Let me recap everything that happened these past few months. It seems like a lifetime ago that I actually moved here and established my life in Guelph! For the first few weeks, I honestly didn't think what was happening was real. I was so scared that I'd suddenly wake up and it would all be a dream!

I was determined to have the entire university experience and live it to the fullest in order to get a 'redo' of sorts... This was my second chance at life and I came here determined to take advantage of that. Moving day was super exciting! Of course I was nervous. This was the first time I would be living on my own. It was my dad, my sister, and my uncle who came along to help me move in, armed with 1 pick up truck and all my furniture!

Moving Day!

I arrived in Guelph on the first day of orientation week. That very evening, I went to the block party the university was throwing along with the dinner. Yes reader. I actually ate the dinner. The University of Guelph, coincidentally has been ranked the best campus for food in Canada! And boy were they right! Everything that is served is healthy, good for you food. That night I had chicken breast burgers on a whole wheat bun, an apple, and drinks along with cookies for dessert. I admit, I skipped the cookies and drinks and stuck with water instead!

It's funny how things seem to coincide with each other! Tomorrow marks my first three months spent in Guelph. Today was the end of all classes for the first semester. The move has been amazing for me. It has allowed me to stretch my wings in a way that I never could before. I have really opened myself up to new experiences, new relationships, and new possibilities. I have never been more excited to actually live my life!

I posted some pictures of my sparsely decorated apartment below! I have yet to decorate it, and its bare bones right now. But if anything, this has shown me that yes, I can do this! And yes reader, if you are struggling, or have struggled, it is never ever too late to grab whatever life throws at you and make the best of it!

I was determined to have a white couch! After all, you know you're an adult when you own a white leather couch! ;) 

The bar table was another one of my fab finds. Did I mention, that I bought all of these things using Kijiji? 

My little kitchen! I don't really like how small it is and how the cupboards are all wonky! And if I lay an egg on the counter it rolls towards the stove! But it'll have to do for now I guess! 

And to finish my post dear reader, here I am in front of the beautiful Basilica in downtown Guelph:

HEALTHY HOPEFUL & HAPPY.