However, on to the book I am currently reading. From reading the synopsis on Goodreads or even the back of the book, one can come to the conclusion that yes, it is a biography. This biography is unique as Woolf doesn't hold back any judgements or conceptions she had of the time period in which Orlando is set. The book is divided into six chapters, and what I find really interesting is that at the end of each chapter, there is a photo of a significant character that appeared in the aforementioned chapter.
I'm not even going to begin to start analyzing the themes, symbols, characters and their motives etc in this post. If I did, I would go into full "English Essay Analysis" mode and thats not what I want to do. In fact, I want to do the exact opposite. Essays take on a very impersonal and distant, or as many people say, scholarly feel to them. What I want to do is to tell you exactly what I feel when I read Orlando rather that what I think.
Today I completed the second chapter of the book, and to my surprise, found that I could empathize greatly with Orlando and understood exactly what he felt better than any character I've ever read about. I don't know if its Woolf's magical touch or just the stage of life I am in right now. Whatever it is, my empathy as well as commonality with many of the questions and issues Orlando face are very closely tied together.
Today, for example, I came upon a quote:
Life seemed to him of prodigious length. Yet even so, it went like a flash. But even when it stretched longest and the moments swelled biggest and he seemed to wander alone in deserts of vast eternity, there was no time for the smoothing out and deciphering of those thickly scored parchments which thirty years among men and women have rolled tight in his heart and brain.
This passage stood out to me as this is EXACTLY what i feel. The state of my physical and mental well being can be perfectly summed up by this passage. Orlando brought me to a realization that my present is coloured by my past, and that things don't occur at random, but have a sequence and an order to them. This is what I have also learnt in therapy over the years.
The fact that I can relate so much to Orlando still blows my mind! Like him, I tend to run away from things that have hurt me in the past, and avoid any such associations with them in the future. Like him, I isolated myself to my own home after a mental breakdown, while he had a heartbreak. There is truly some magic in being able to actually feel the pain and confusion, as well as the loss of what Orlando feels. I finished the second chapter today and it left me with a feeling of wanting. I want to know what happens to Orlando. Does he find his purpose? Does he find his courage to face life instead of always running away from it?
One thing that makes me sad, yet also feel less alone, is the knowledge that I am not alone. Someone out there in the world, living or dead, understands what it feels like to have your heart broken and your faith in humanity shaken. I think that is the true magic of reading and media, and blog articles such as mine. For one instant of time when we write, or when we read, we sense a feeling of companionship, of partnership, of a "we're all in this together" feeling.
So in order to prevent this from becoming to lengthy and boring and repetitive, the take away from my experience of reading this book so far is that we are not alone in our struggles. Even though it may feel like it, others feel the same way you do. Its learning to accept our feelings and being brave enough to face them which is the challenge.
I do have one accomplishment to write about. I attended a volunteer appreciation brunch at our church. I do admit I was very anxious about it, but once I was actually in there, everything seemed alright. I was surrounded by my friends and I felt like I could trust these people more than I could trust anyone other than my family. It really put into perspective who and what was important to my life. I am really glad I went and that I challenged myself not only with the process of eating out, but also socializing with others.
Like Ms. Frizzle says... Take chances, make mistakes, and get messy! Because frankly darling, that is how to live life to the fullest!
