Another Turning Point

Hello Reader, 


Today I reached another 'fork in the road' in regards to my recovery journey. My struggle with anorexia not only effected my weight, it also made me develop severe osteoporosis. According to Health Canada, 

Osteoporosis is a bone disease where bone loss occurs more rapidly than normal causing bones to become very thin and weak over time. While osteoporosis is more common among older individuals, it can affect people of all ages. 

When bones become severely weakened by osteoporosis, a simple movement such as bending over to pick up a bag of groceries, or a minor trauma, such as a fall from standing height or less, can lead to fracture (breaks or cracks in the bone)."

One of the main reasons why I developed osteoporosis is because as a result of the starvation I put my body through, the estrogen levels decreased so much that I stopped having my period completely. For those science geeks out there, estrogen along with vitamin D is responsible for healthy bones and the absorption and maintenance of calcium in the bones. 

Today I made the decision, after years of being urged by my doctor, to start the birth control pill in order to kick start my menses. To most, this may seem inconsequential, and yet another pill that I have to take. However, to a recovering anorexic, this is huge. I confess that I thoroughly enjoyed not having a period. Which woman actually wants to be on their period? 

Yet, I take it as a testament of my growth and maturity, that I have reached a point where I am actually voluntarily making myself get a period! It is going to be hard, and I understand that. However, this decision is right up there with eating a scary food. It is a stepping stone towards a healthier body, and eventually a healthier me!

So I urge all my readers, whether you struggle with anorexia, or are just reading because...

Please Please Please take care of yourself. Take your vitamins, do what you need to for your body and mind's well-being. I have abused my body for so long, and part of recovering from this illness is learning to love yourself once more. I see this as another step towards achieving a recovery that is long-lasting and effective. 

After all, if we don't love ourselves, then we can't be angry/sad/disappointed when others reject us. It is only when we don't have self love that we begin to care so much about the acceptance and love of others. And isn't this where anorexia begins? When you try to get thinner to get the guy, the job, the perfect body etc... Therefore, I know that it is easy to just say these things and not believe it. I confess that some days I wish I could get a vacation from being me! Yet, I am at the point in my recovery, where I am beginning to think differently. I no longer want to be ill and I want to achieve a life that I have always dreamed of. I know that having anorexia is not going to give me that life. So this is me...making decisions, and taking active steps towards recovery. I hope that when you are ready, you will too!

I haven't posted a picture of myself in a long time. So reader, here I am; happier, healthier and more hopeful that "Yes, I can do this!"