When struggling with an eating disorder, it seems impossible to think about going on vacation. After all, vacations are places people go to break from their normal routine. To escape from the drudgery of regular everyday life and to 'cheat' with indulgent meals, drinks and desserts. So it's no surprise when faced with the concept of a 'vacation,' the person with an eating disorder cringes in horror. I'm no different. Vacations- or any break in my normal routine for that matter- is very difficult for me. I like my routine. I like the comfort of it. I like the security it gives me. But that is another can of worms to be opened on a different day! Today, I want to share with you my coping mechanisms for dealing with interruptions or breaks in your daily routines.
For example, I had a doctor's appointment where I needed to take fasting blood work. So I had to go to downtown Toronto without breakfast and eat on the go. Was I scared? Yes. Was my anxiety high? Of course. But I did do a few things that really helped. I knew that I wasn't ready to have an entire meal- a terrifying bacon breakfast sandwich from Tim Hortons for example. Instead, something I tend to do, is make sure that whenever I am in a situation that is strange or new, I try to reference back to what my regular routine normally is like.
That morning after my appointment, I decided to have my breakfast on the go. This is what I did: I boiled an egg before I left. I also got along a pack of instant oatmeal. I went to Starbucks, and got the barista to give me one of those little cups they put oatmeal in- without the oatmeal in it of course! Instead, I added the pack that I got from home. In a separate short cup, I asked the barista to fill it with hot water for me.
I chose President's Choice Instant Oatmeal. This is honestly the best instant oatmeal I have ever tasted! Many people crave the nutty texture steel cut oats gives them. However, they can't be cooked on the go. This oatmeal maintains its delicious nuttiness while also leaving you feeling deeply satisfied.
Usually, I always have a half cup of cottage cheese with breakfast. Not only do I absolutely love it, but its also really good for my bones. My regular cup of black coffee is also another permanent addition to my morning meal. While my oatmeal was doing its thing getting cooked in its bowl, I went on to buy one of those little cups of Nordica Cottage Cheese. I usually buy the 500g tubs, but grocery stores in downtown Toronto always sell the individual ones as well.
Voila! A satisfying, healthy, convenient, and CHEAP! breakfast. I ended up paying $3 for my entire meal. Pepper, forks, spoons, knives were free of course from the food court at a mall close by from the place I had my appointment.
What about lunch and dinner you may ask? Yes I agree, breakfast seems to be an easy meal. Cereal, milk, something easy like that...? I agree. Lunch and dinner is much harder. When I went on my most recent vacation, what I chose to do, was make sandwiches for about 4 days. My family goes on road trips so we usually bring a cooler along to store our snacks and drinks. After making my sandwiches, I wrap them in cling-wrap and put them in ziplock bags. I then put them in one of those big plastic containers so that they don't get crushed or wet from the ice/juice. I also pack a lot of fruits that are easy to eat on the go. I like to take oranges and apples as they are both delicious, nutritious, and easy to travel with.
For dinner, I went to a Tim Hortons near my hotel and picked up a bowl of their harvest vegetable soup. Reader, I cannot tell you how much I love this soup. It has potatoes, beans, chickpeas, veggies, all immersed in a deeply satisfying tomato broth.
It's vegetarian, low fat, and delicious! Since a bowl of soup is obviously not enough for my dinner, I also packed along a bag full of cooked chicken strips- the kind that you use for sandwiches and find at the deli. I use the Turkey Breast Strips from Walmart, but you can use any protein you want to. Roasted chicken, tofu, tempeh, or whatever protein you fancy!
I also brought along packs of greek yoghurt that I usually have, not only to add more calcium, protein and a dessert component, but also because of the deeply satisfied full feeling it gives me.
Along with my yoghurt, I had an apple and even managed to find the rice pudding that I love at a local grocery store right beside my hotel!
And there you have it reader! I managed to live on this for a couple of days. True, by the end, I was a little bored of eating the same things over and over again, yet it was the best that I could hope for in a situation that was so new, strange and completely terrifying for me.
I found that trying to do things the way that I do at home or in a place that I am comfortable in, helps me deal with my anxiety. Three years ago, when I first started struggling with anorexia, I could not imagine ever leaving the comfort of my home or my routine. It has taken a lot of practice and effort to get to where I am right now in my recovery.
Through my experiences, I have learnt that recovery is not an either/or concept. Rather, it is a continuing process that never ends. It involves effort on both your part as well as those around you. While I do try to push myself to live as normally as possible, I also know my limitations. I am not yet ready to go stay at someones house or to travel more than a day or two's drive away from Toronto. I know that when my parents decide to go to India next summer, that is something that I won't be able to do.
And reader, I am okay with that. Really. It does suck a little. I would love to go back and see my family again- especially my grandma who I miss just as much as I did the day I left her at the airport 10 years ago. Yet, I know that when I am ready I will find the strength to do it. Just as I couldn't imagine living my life or surviving when I first got anorexia, I am now beginning to see that with a effort, time, and perseverance, things do get easier. I promise you. Please don't give up. I believe that you can do it!
What coping mechanisms do you use when faced with a new situation? I would love to know in the comments below!
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