It's Back to School Time Again!

I officially start school this Thursday, September 3rd. To say I'm scared would be an understatement! I enrolled in two courses, Critical Thinking About Narrative and Critical Thinking about Poetry. I will be taking these courses at the University of Toronto Scarborough Campus, and have to finally face my fear of that place, meeting people and attending and participating in tutorials and projects. To begin with, it has been three years since I stepped onto that campus. The last time I was there, I was incredibly depressed and sick. Even though the second time I relapsed was worse than the first time (in terms of my physical condition), the first time I was hospitalized was during a time where I was severely depressed and extremely anxious.

When I hear people say that "health is a priority over everything", I challenge myself to go one step farther and elaborate on that statement. Mental health is a priority over everything. I can say that through my ordeal, it was the years of therapy and my attitude that really shaped my recovery. Through looking at my mum, who suffers from cancer, a good mental health is as essential to her recovery as chemo and radiation! Her positive attitude and perseverance is something that keeps me strong everyday. She could easily fall into a depressed state or a "what's the point" attitude. However, no matter how bleak the circumstances look, she continues to persevere with treatment. That is due to her "strong mind" and incomparable hunger to fight until the very end.

Stepping back onto that campus is going to bring back a lot of memories and flashbacks. I am ware of how emotional and scary this is. I do not have good memories of the place and I am terrified of returning. However, I know that this is something I need to change. I can't go on for the rest of my life avoiding a place. I need to keep reminding myself that it was the situation rather that the location that impacted how I felt. Through all this fear, I am happy to admit a little glimmer of excitement on meeting new people, learning new things, and really allowing myself to have a normal experience, such as going to class, instead of going to therapy, after years of illness!

I will make sure to document everything about my experience going back. I plan to go with my mum first, and walk around the campus with her. She is the only person I feel brave enough to share that experience with. I promise to take a lot of pictures and share with you every single moment of my time there. To all my readers going back to school, you're not alone... I can happily say this year that I'm going back to school too! To all of those who are suffering from an illness physical, or mental, I dedicate this post to you and promise that I think, pray and hope the best for you. This is not permanent. Life can change in marvellous wonderful ways, and a new opportunity presents itself when you least expect it! I know that you might be scared and nervous about going back, or even not going back. I say "I hear you. I feel your anxiety. You are not alone."